Love, Pain, And Selflessness

True love often entails pain, because authentic love requires selflessness. Being able to put yourself out there first, knowing that the person you’re attempting to love could hurt you. However you give love anyway- for them. So that they can get what they need- that love seed.

That’s how Jesus operates with us, completely selfless. Not only is He willing, but He already put himself out there to love us. Even though we may not love him back. Even if we reject Him. That’s God’s unconditional love. It’s selfless. It’s rare to find that love in humans, so one must cherish those encounters. In my life, many of those encounters have happened with women. I’m beginning to believe that this is one of the deeper reasons why I am intrigued by them. I sense the openness. They are comfortable and seemingly desire the opportunity to love people selflessly. From my experiences, many women find joy in connecting to someone who makes them feel safe enough to be vulnerable. And this allows them to exhibit the selfless love that’s naturally inside. I appreciate that transparency and heart condition. It’s actually a place of strength, and you have to be strong to love people because…

Selfish people can hurt you. Many people exhibit selfish behavior because they are so caught up in their own pain they are unable to notice the other person’s pain with whom they interact. They’re so laser focused on getting what they need, they often overlook the needs of someone else. Selfish people hone-in on their own wants above and beyond someone else’s, and usually at the risk of hurting that person in the process. A pain or deficiency is usually the root of selfish behavior. With this being said, I know that if I desire to be like Christ, I have to be willing to help selfish people heal. In order to do help them heal I have to be selfless. I have to consider them and trust that Abba will take care of me when dealing with them. I have to be willing to love them through their pain, and often bear the pain in the process.

Bearing the pain comes in the form of being patient with selfish people, or not responding to their offensive behavior with anger, or retribution. It may involve being kind and gentle when they are mean and abrasive. You make a choice to withstand this negativity, and the less you practice and exercise this type of love, the harder it is to control yourself against your natural and justifiable reactions. These are examples of taking on pain so that the person can experience love and have life. But one of my favorite examples of taking pain, again, comes from women.

Isn’t that what we see in women all the time? They are willing to bear the excruciating pain of child birth over and over again so that new life can enter the world. That’s love. What would we do if women decided that the pain was too much- so they made a collective decision to stop having children? Here is an every day example of the pain one must endure for someone else to have life. You must take pain for other people to benefit. We also observe this type of love when someone is willing to give up their hard earned money or investment returns to donate to a child’s education. We see the heart of Christ show up in these subtle interactions, but the message is huge.

I believe the majority of us have to make a substantial effort to be selfless. And the more Jesus heals our heart, the more we are able to step outside of ourselves. Self-LESS behavior is a beautiful thing to witness. It’s a grace, and truly almost impossible without Divine assistance; to be so selfless that you can put things behind you and wipe the slate clean for the sake of getting back to love. Some people have that ability to reflect God’s selfless love. They’d rather be in love than safeguard their feelings. For them love comes first. I would posit that if you’re unable to put love (be selfless) above your own desires, then you should question your capacity to have a healthy relationship. You can’t have two selfish people in a relationship. But you can have two selfless people in a relationship. True relationship is selfless. People love people who love them.

The story of Jesus also teaches us that we have to be willing to take on pain so that others can have life. Sometimes you may have to exhibit love with no guarantee of being loved in return so that the person who receives the love can be healed and God’s seed can start to do its work. You can’t always expect that person to get it in the moment, but trust that Jesus will provide you the love you need to feel good, joy, valued, or accepted, when the other person is unable to love you. We see this in many marriages today. It takes supernatural love to sustain relationships. He’s not saying to be everyone’s savior, but you have to be wiling to accept some pain because we live in an imperfect world, and we’re trying to help others get right. Love takes work because it’s a choice to act. Work, at times, can be painful. But that’s good pain- a pain that gives life to others.

Jesus sent twelve people out to love on the world, that means that 12 people had enough love to change and reach everyone. Why? Because true, selfless, love is more powerful than anti-love. It spreads like wildfire and often heals instantly. It’s the devil that lies to you and tries to rear his head to show you something different, to make you believe it’s not working. This is what he does. He’s an illusion artist. But love is bold and guard breaking. Take some time out to be selfless, and love on someone today.

-King